Nobody said being a good dad was easy. Being a dad is such a difficult road, filled with pitfalls and roadblocks. Ask any man on Earth and he will say to you that being a dad has become synonymous with being busy. It doesn’t matter how many children do you have or how old are they, being a dad is a never-ending obligation. You to be a role model, good disciplinarian, present, and be sympathetic to your children's necessities without being a pushover. All dads have their own exceptional way of bringing up their children. They always try hard to do the best they can for the sake of their kids, but nobody is perfect That’s why, when they look back, they all want to fix some of the mistakes they made in the past. Below are the 7 most common regrets of every dad wishing they should have done.
1. I should have given them more quality time
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Cherish all of your time with them. Try to be present as much as possible while you’re with them. Spend as much time as you can with them, and make it a quality, loving time, don’t let your mind drift away, as they can sense that. Your children don't care if you've just had a great achievement at your company or whether or not you own the most luxury car on the block. What they do care about is whether or not you'll be home in time for dinner, if you'll take them to a basketball game on weekend, and if you'll be around for movie night that week. You have to set aside time every day for your children or at least every week no matter how busy you are.
2. Saying I love you more often
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How often do we tell our children that we love them? Saying “I love you” to them will surely make their day a bit better. It may give them a necessary reminder that they are valued. It is such a simple thing; it is so natural to just tell someone you love that you love them, and it can make a world of a difference. Tell your children that you love them because they need to hear it and you need to say it, and live a life that matters.
3. I wish I didn’t scold them too often
Scolding your children for their mistakes is absolutely normal. But sometimes parents go overboard and it turns into nitpicking. Scolding a child for every little mistake can lead to a behavioral problem. Also, it is also not a good thing to punish your kids because of their bad grades. They can destroy the desire for learning in any child.
4. I should have provided a better disciplinary action
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Is it okay to beat your child into submission? Never. Misbehavior needs to be quantified. Being noisy and rambunctious is natural for children. Doing something accidentally should not be considered misbehavior. But running in the house and breaking a lamp when they know you have said running is not allowed, means that you decide what consequences are appropriate. Punishment like yelling, spanking, etc. only shows that you have lost control, and are failing to be a good role model. Guidance, rather than punishment is the more effective way. Letting your child learn what happens and not shielding them from their actions helps them to understand cause and effect.
5. I shouldn't have been overprotective
Yes, overprotecting can really feel good at first, especially for dads, but it won’t actually help them grow.
They will miss out on enjoying the sense of accomplishment and independence that comes from working hard to master new things. Let them experience the consequences of their actions, which will be the best example they will accept and learn from. Teach them how to be independent.
6. I shouldn’t have yelled too much (and too loud)
Don't shout. It only breeds fear. Do not make your child afraid of you and others. Set reasonable consequences. Save yelling for genuine crises of safety, like stopping a child unthinkingly running into the road or a baby about to touch a hot stove. Your child will learn to associate "parent is yelling" with "not angry, but keeping me safe". If you can get through the workday without yelling at co-workers and peers, you can do so with your child, or at least avoid it the majority of the time. Nobody is perfect, but the habit of yelling is not necessary and is probably counterproductive. If your son has asked you to raise him without yelling, you’ve got the perfect opportunity to say, “Yes, sweetheart, I want to learn how to do that, too. But you will need to help me with this. The way you help is, you need to obey the very first time I ask you to do something. Can you do that for me?”
Yelling does not help children. Unconditional love and serving as a role model who helps your child internalize good character is what's most important. You have to show your child that decency, honesty, generosity, intelligence, and hard work are "normal" and desirable. Those examples help lead to success.
7. I shouldn’t have said that
Be careful in every word that you will say because words are very powerful, it gives a great influence on our children. Once you release a word from your mouth, there’s no turning back. We should build a good foundation for our children by teaching them all the good things we know.
If you have a teenager, that’s where the challenging part comes in. These are some do’s and don’ts that can help us.
1. Have empathy.
2. Listen to your teen (even if you don’t agree with them).
3. Encourage and guide your teen.
4. Explain things to your teen.
5. Love your teen, and express that love constantly.
1. Don’t hold privileges over your child’s head and threaten to take them away at any second over small things.
2. Don’t talk about your teen to other people while they are listening/when they are not listening.
3. Don’t compare your teen to other teens.
4. Don’t ridicule your teen for being messy, disorganized, etc. Correct them or instruct them, but don’t make fun of them.
5. Don’t threaten to kick your kid out just because you had a minor disagreement with them.
6. Don’t use the silent treatment as punishment. It’s emotional abuse and doesn’t work.
Fathers hold everything in one kid's life, always remember that you hold the key to the happiness of your family. Your calling is a divine calling from God that will help your children to choose the right and to the right always. Regrets can be stopped by now if you will recognize to yourself what else you can do to change and be better for your children, we are all subject to improvement. As we learn the right things the challenge is the application of it in our lives.
Positive parenting as a dad in your son/daughter's life is a privilege to make heaven on earth. As you seek to love more your family every day, everything will work out eventually, change for the better always!